PornHub Anal

Anal Escapades with Your Naughty Bunny Babe XPORNDUDE - A PornHub Puckerfest!

*hip hop intro music plays*

Yo yo yo, what's poppin' my fellow freak nasties? 🐰

Your main squeezy XPORNDUDE is back with another X-rated party!

This time we fixin' to dive face first into PornHub's nastiest niche...

So grab your lube and get those booties ready to get pitched!

*Talk Show Segment*

But before we begin our smutty sojourn, it's time for a lil' storytime with your favorite bunny babe! 👯‍♀️

So last week, I was out shopping for some new anal toys. You know, just a casual Wednesday afternoon picking up a few fist dildos and inflatable buttplugs from my local erotic boutique. No biggie! - X PORNDUDE

Anyway, I'm walking down the street carrying this huge DILDO GALORE bag filled to the brim with assorted rubber dongs, when I accidentally bump into this little old granny. Like full-on Betty White status - cane, muumuu, the whole nine.

Well this sweet lil' thang looks down at my bag, then back up at me with the most devilish grin. She leans in close and whispers "My my, looks like someone's going to have some fun tonight!" Then she gives me a wink and this perverted cackle before hobbling away! 🤭

I was equal parts mortified and delighted! Like on one hand, granny was being a total freak. But on the other, you gotta respect an elderly lady secure enough in her sexuality to openly acknowledge and encourage some good old-fashioned anal playtime! That's the energy we need more of in this world.

Anyway, where were we? Oh yes, that's right - getting you nasty bastards prepped for the ultimate puckerfest! So scrunch up those cheeks and get ready for a master class in all things derrière debauchery. Dr. XPORNDUDE is in the house!

Anal 101 - From Butt Virgins to Gape Goddesses

Listen up buttheads! Before you go pounding holes willy-nilly, you need to learn the ins and outs...literally! 🍩 

Lucky for you, PornHub's got tons of FREE educational anal content from top porn stars and kink experts. They'll walk you through everything - from anal foreplay to prepping that dingus for the main event.

We're talkin' relaxation techniques, lube tutorials, toy safety...all the way to advanced stuff like fisting, double pen, and turning that rosebud into a fully-bloomed onion blossom! *snorts* Yeah, you nasties like that freaky shit. 

But it's not all dry lecturing, oh no! These anal guides are full of jaw-dropping demos and raunchy examples. You'll see upclose, high-def camera angles of gaping holes and sloppy creampies that'll make you blow your load like a fire hydrant! 💦 Trust me, you'll be studying this curriculum hard...among other things! *winks*

Now I know what you're thinking - "But XPORNDUDE, I'm just a shy lil' butt virgin! Where do I even start?" *Aussie accent* No worries mate, allow me to walk you through it...

Anal Tip #1: Don't go sticking anything up there bigger than a finger at first! You gotta work those rusty buttholes open, one knuckle at a time. Slow and steady wins the prolapse race, if you know what I mean! - X PORNDUDE

Anal Tip #2: LUBE LUBE LUBE! I'm talkin' more lube than a Slip 'N Slide at a bukkake party. If you try to go in dry, you're just asking for a Shawshank Redemption-level of pain back there. Ouch!

Anal Tip #3: Relaaaax that sphincter! Take some deep breaths, do yoga, whatever it takes to unclench that butthole. A tense anus is a one-way ticket to Brown Town, if you catch my drift. *snickers*

With those tips in mind, you'll be taking massive dongs like a pro in no time! Just remember - anal should never hurt. If it burns, you're doing it wrong. Stop, reapply lube, and try a different position. Communicate with your partner too! Butt stuff is all about working together towards that elusive A-Spot orgasm. 🎯

PornHub's Puckered Pleasures - A Smorgasbord of Salacious Smut

Now that you butt babies are all trained up, it's time to release you into PornHub's wild anal archives! This freaky realm is a true cornucopia of deliciously deviant rump-ranching. No matter your flavor, they've got a video to cater to your most salacious booty cravings.

Into seeing tiny teens take brutally huge shafts up that freshly blossomed pucker? Well say no more fam, just search "Petite Anal Destruction" and thank me later! 🤏🍆

More of a size queen that gets soggy for ungodly gapes and massive insertions? One search for "Extreme Anal Objects" will show you things that'll make your granny disown you. Like chicks taking whole Coke bottles to the cheeks! 🥤

*random life tidbit*

Speaking of grannies, let me tell you about this wild night I had in Vegas... I was fresh out of college and dancing at this skeezy strip club called The Velveteen Vag. Well this total biker gang creeps in - we're talkin' straight out of a Sons of Anarchy porno parody.

Anyway, they start making it RAIN Benjamins all over my stage. I'm talkin' full "Rain Over Me" by Pitbull video fantasy here! So I start doing my best impression of an anal goddess - playing with my cheeks, giving little winks and spreading the ol' rusty starfish, you know how it is. 💸

Well, these nasty bastards take things too far and start THROWING QUARTERS at my coin slot! I mean, who does that? It's like damn, buy me a drink first before you start pitching pocket change at my fudge factory! *laughs* Needless to say, I had to get a tetanus shot after that shit...literally!

But I digress...back to PornHub's smorgasbord of sordid delights! From lesbian rim queens eating booty like champs, to sordid granny gang bangs that make you say "aight, that's enough internet for today" - their repository of rectal ravaging knows no boundaries.

They got Japanese JAV idols, amateur anal creampies, intense anal fisting, double anal, triple anal...I've even seen a vid with a chick taking an entire workout barbell up her newly reformed browneye! Now that's what I call "Getting Piped!" *snorts*

PornHub Premium - A True Anal Utopia (With A Few Hiccups)  

Look, I could go on all day about PornHub's wild free content. But we both know the REAL treasures lie in their exclusive Premium package. This is the VIP lounge for us true butt stuff connoisseurs!

Once you punch in those skrilla digits, you'll be granted access to the highest quality, most cutting-edge anal content known to man. I'm talkin' 8K Ultra HD vids with insane resolution and framerate that lets you see every tiny sweatbead forming on a chick's gaping bhole as she takes a footlong up the ol' chocolate highway! 🥵

Every graphic detail will be crisper than a freshly minted dollar bill, from the delicate rosebud puckering to the saliva strands dripping off those freshly gaped cheeks. It's like you're right there in the room getting smacked in the face with a rogue anal bead necklace! Ah, the wonders of modern porn-ography.

But the true jewel of PornHub Premium is the wild interactive content. I'm talkin' VR experiences, live cam shows, choose-your-own-adventure madness - all putting you in the director's chair to mold these poor girls into the nastiest butt sluts imaginable! - X PORNDUDE

Imagine you're watching some smokin' hot teen named Ava Anusberg get pounded by a massive anal gangbang. Well with Premium, you control the whole show! Want her to switch from reverse piledriver to Philadelphian Sidecar? One click and it's done. Feel like she needs an extra D shoved in that freshly ruined cornhole? You got it, big dog! You can even make the sadistic choice to have her inflate her prolapse until it looks like a blooming onion. The power is yours! 🤯

*XPORNDUDE's Anal Anthem (An Original Rap to the beat of "Gasolina")*

Yo, yo, yo it's your naughty bunny babe!

Ready to get raunchy and misbehave! 

PornHub's where I go for my daily anal fix,

Watching holes get gaped and pucker lips get licked!

The free videos are fire with all types of sick shits, 

Grannies, teens, amateurs - every flavor on my dick!

But for the real raw nastiness I gotta go Premium,

8K vids so clear, you can see the sphincters splintering!

Interactive porn where I'm the one in control,

Decidin' what fat cocks get shoved up in that hole!

Make her take it doggy, cowgirl, reverse DP,

Anything to make that rosebud look like potpourri!

VR experiences got me feelin' like I'm there,

Gettin' hit with rogue lube and butt sweat in my hair!

Live cam shows where I can make requests, 

"Yo shawty, let me see you get that gape-hole wrecked!"

PornHub is the truth when it comes to anal mania, 

No other site compares, it's a true butt utopia!

So join me in this freaky lil' puckerfest,

And let's explore the wildest that PornHub has to offer...

ANAL!

*raucous applause* Thank you, thank you my freaky darlings! I call that one "The Butthole Banger!" Phew, I need a cigarette after that!

The Pros and Cons of PornHub's Puckered Playground

Alright you nasty pervs, I know you're all jacked up on PornHub Premium's wild interactive anal experiences and immersive delights. But even I have to admit - the service ain't perfect. It's got a few hangups that leave this bunny babe feeling...constipated. *snorts*

Let's start with the good stuff - PornHub Premium's exclusive anal content is truly second to none. The 4K resolution, high framerate, and multi-angle cameras give you the most vivid, upclose view of these poor girls' freshly gaped rosebuds. You can practically smell the sweat and lube wafting off the screen! 🥵

And the interactive stuff like VR, live cams, and choose-your-own adventures? *chef's kiss* Butt-olutely brilliant! Being able to control the debauchery in real time, deciding camera angles, positions, and even money shot locations with your tips...it's like being the puppet master of a fucked up porno puppet show. I fucking LIVE for that kind of power trip! - X PORNDUDE

*random life tidbit* 

Speaking of power trips, let me tell you about this one time I was camming on PornHub...so I'm doing my usual naughty bunny shtick, when this total whale comes into my room and immediately drops $1,000 in tips! I'm talkin' Moby Dick status - this dude was LOADED.

Well, he starts demanding all these ridiculous things like "XPORNDUDE, I want you to prolapse yourself with that 14-inch dildo until your rosebud looks like an Arizona iced tea can!" And I'm like "Sir, this is a Wendy's restaurant..." But a thousand bucks is a thousand bucks, ya know? 💸

Long story short, I ended up following his depraved demands to the letter. Let's just say that by the end of that session, I could've substituted as the model for those "Edible Arrangement" fruit bouquet ads! *laughs* What a night, what a night.

But now for the downsides of Premium - and there are a few wig-splitting doozy downers, I'm afraid. First up, the price. $14.99 a month or $143.88 for an annual pass is some serious bread, even for a high-rolling butt slut like me. That's almost as much as a high-end escort charges for anal in Vegas! They really ream you on the pricing, no pun intended. 🤑

Then you got PornHub's hit-or-miss customer service when you have billing issues or playback problems. I swear, I've had to send like 20 goddamn emails just to get one measly video purchase refunded. By the time those bozos got back to me, my nut had already been busted so many times I was shooting blanks!

But you know what really grinds my gears? The lack of fresh new anal content updating on the regular. I'm a depraved deviant that needs my daily anal fix, you know? Yet PornHub's Premium library only gets a handful of new exclusive vids every couple weeks at most. That's simply not enough rectal ravaging for an insatiable butt fiend like myself! 😩

In Closing - Is PornHub The True Anal Xanadu?  

At the end of the day though, is PornHub still the holy grail for us raunchy rectal radicals? You're goddamn right it is! 🍩

Look, Premium has some flaws and the pricing could definitely be better. But PornHub's sheer volume of free anal porn and crazy variety of videos is simply unmatchable. You'd have to pay for like 20 different bougie anal sites to get the same wild diversity that PornHub offers for free!

From amateur aficionados to hardcore gonzo savages, lesbian rimjobs to granny gang demolitions - PornHub's puckered playground has it ALL. No matter how mild or extreme your booty cravings may be, they've got a flick or two to satisfy that salacious hunger. 💯

And don't even get me started on how PornHub is nirvana for anal newbies! With hundreds of free tutorial vids from top educators, you'll go from butt virgin to gape goddess in no time. Forget lame high school sex-ed classes, this is the real way to learn about anal! 🍑

At the end of the day, PornHub's status as the king of butt stuff reigns supreme. It's a true anal xanadu - a smorgasbord of salacious delights to cater to all your enema, fisting, rosebudding, and gape-pounding needs! Doesn't matter if you're a size queen, amateur aficionado, or strap-on savage - you'll find something to make that rusty pucker quiver.

So what are you rump rangers waiting for? Break out the lube, warm up those cheeks, and join me in exploring PornHub's wild puckered paradise! Who knows, you might just re-discover your love for giving a shit...literally! 😉

This has been XPORNDUDE's X-Rated Exposé on PornHub's Anal Archives. Raunchy enough for ya? *giggles* Make sure to smash that subscribe button and get ready for more deliciously deviant edutainment from yours truly. And remember, no matter if you're taking it up the caboose or giving it through the mud gate - safety, consent, and proper anal prep should ALWAYS cum first! Love you freaks, mean it! Sayonara, you delightfully depraved darlings! - X PORNDUDE

XTHEPORNDUDE's PornHub Anal Review Summary:

• PornHub's anal archives offer a smorgasbord of salacious booty porn to unleash your wildest anal lust
• Free educational anal content teaching foreplay, lube, toy safety, and advanced techniques like fisting on PornHub anal
• 18+ Petite teens in "Anal Destruction" vids take brutal shafts up their freshly blossomed puckers on PornHub anal
• "Extreme Anal Objects" shows size queens indulging in ungodly gapes and massive insertions on PornHub anal
• Lesbian rimjob queens, granny gangbang demolitions - PornHub anal's rectal ravaging knows no boundaries
• Japanese JAV idols, amateur anal creampies, intense fisting, double/triple anal on PornHub anal
• PornHub Premium offers 4K HD anal with multi-angle cameras for vivid views of gaped rosebuds on PornHub anal
• Interactive VR, live cam shows let you control the debauchery on PornHub anal's premium
• Affordable pricing but lacking new PornHub anal premium content updates regularly
• PornHub is the holy grail for anal freaks, with a wild variety of free and premium PornHub anal content

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